Place in your mind an image of a pea.   The average pea is a little over ¼ “ by ¼” or 7mm by 7mm.  Now imagine that your life’s work is dedicated to an object this small.

Now I invite you to guess what is my job?  I’m sure the first thought coming to mind is:  I’m a farmer of peas!  And that would be a great guess.   Many guesses could be made but I will tell you this story of the “pea” and the person I am referring to is an endocrinologist who specializes on the pituitary gland.  The pituitary glands sole purpose is to send signals to other glands and organs. Like the thyroid gland, adrenal glands, ovaries and testes. It directs them to produce certain hormones.

Monday I met with Dr. Lilienfeld (one of those who have a “pea” sized view of medicine) in Tampa for determining whether I have acromegaly.  You might recall the blog “What is Acromegaly? Am I Acromegalic? where I discuss the frustration of determining whether I have this disease.  He had in his possession three MRI’s of my pituitary, notes from my endocrinologist here in Palm Beach County, notes from a leading expert from Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland and a bunch of labs.

Results: I found out yesterday that I am NOT acromegalic!  What a horrible disease!!!  What a true blessing!!!

During the hour-long exam he confirmed what others have said.  I did not have any of the physical attributes acromegalics have.  I did not have large or enlarging hands, head, feet, teeth spacing, and changes in my facial features or headaches.  I did have an increased IGF-1 level in my blood.  I did not have a tumor on my pituitary gland.  His approach during the appointment was that from the evidence he had in his possession I did not have the disorder.  But to confirm his thinking he suggested a weird type of glucose tolerance test.

Apparently, the Gold standard to diagnosis acromegaly is the glucose tolerance test including how the level of my growth hormone responds to glucose.  In people without acromegaly the human growth hormone is suppressed when glucose is high.  This does not happen for a person with acromegaly.  People with acromegaly their growth hormone remains high when glucose is high.

The result of his weird test showed my growth hormone was suppressed when I had a glucose load.  But, I loved the way he conducted the glucose tolerance test.  Dr. Lilienfeld suggested we try an experiential glucose tolerance test, kind of a quick and dirty test to confirm his impressions.   Listen to his words.  “I want to you go to the lab and we will test your glucose and growth hormone for a base line then eat a candy bar and drink a regular coke.  An hour after you glucose load have your labs drawn again and we will see how your growth hormone responds.”

When was the last time your doctor ordered you to eat a candy bar and drink a regular coke?  I love this doctor!!  You know, I’m the type to eat a candy bar but drink a diet coke to justify the calories in candy bar.  You know you have done that too!!!

Yesterday he told me the experiment showed I was not acromegalic.  It felt wonderful terrific!  This has been an eighteen month journey from the accidental find that my growth hormone was high during a routine lab test.  The journey included three MRI’s, a second opinions, seeing a surgeon at Shand’s hospital in Gainesville more doctor visits and labs locally and finally traveling to Tampa to see Dr. Lilienfeld.

Praise God and thank you to those who have prayed with us over this time.

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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While I did not know Gary personally, I met him once, heard his testimony and Sharon was a friend of his wife, Sandy.  In May of 2011, doctors discovered Gary had an aggressive form of brain cancer for which he received medical treatments from doctors at Duke University medical center and locally.  Sadly, recently more tumors were discovered in his brain.

Below you can read the journal entry at the Caring Bridge done by Gary’s daughter Kimmy. 

February 16th, 2011

Hello to Team Carter,

It has been exactly 4 weeks since the last journal and that decision was made as a family. I am deeply saddened to tell you all that my precious dad went to be with Jesus today at 4:10 pm. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to write in my entire life but I wanted you all to know.

He is in heaven and has reunited with his mom and dad. I believe with all my heart that dad had a STANDING OVATION as he walked through the gates of heaven to be with Jesus.

Thank you all for loving my dad and my entire family. I will still share with you all the last four weeks with my dad because they were incredibly special.

I am thankful that many years ago; my dad accepted Jesus Christ to be his personal Savior because I know He is now in NO pain and is the most beautiful angel. He is now in God’s Hall of Fame.

We praise you, Jesus and thank you for giving my dad to us for 57 years.

 …but those who hope in the LORD……renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

I wanted to explore the concept of why some are left unhealed or their situations are left unchanged because I regularly meet family, friends and clients who find themselves or their loved ones unhealed.  In fact I am have a medical problem (unrelated to my heart transplant) that remains unhealed.

I wrote in the earlier blog on this topic there are 5 times in the New Testament where a person was left unhealed.  Four incidents involved individuals and the last involved a group of people.

Epaphroditus; Philippians 2:19-30

Epaphroditus was probably an elder in the Philippian church and was charged by his church to take an offering to Paul who was in a Roman prison at the time.  During his stay with Paul Epaphroditus fell ill and almost died.  Paul tells the church at Philippi that he wanted to send Timothy to them but he delays sending Timothy because he thought a decision about his imprisonment was close at hand and wanted Timothy with him.  Instead, Paul returned Epaphroditus to them.  Epaphroditus wanted to see them and was distressed that they had heard of his sickness.   Epaphroditus had been sick and even to the point of being near death.

We don’t know why Paul did not heal Epaphroditus.  Acts tells us of Paul healing in chapter 14 and 28.  There is no sign Paul had lost his ability to heal and it would be logical to think that there might have been attempt to heal him but without result.  Yet, Epaphroditus sickness progressed “to the point of death but God had mercy on him” Phil 2:27.

Trophimus 2 Timothy 4:19-22

We find Paul again writing from a prison cell in Rome his last greetings to Timothy and other coworkers. Paul writes of having left Trophimus, an Ephesian and long-term co-worker in Miletus because he was ill.  Again, I ask of Paul’s gift of healing.  Why Trophimus was left unhealed?  Was his illness too difficult to heal?  Was there any restriction on healing him?  We just don’t know.

Timothy (1 Tim 5:23)

Paul wrote this letter to Timothy not long after Paul left Ephesus for Macedonia.  During the time Paul and Timothy were apart Timothy became superintendent of the church of Ephesus.  Writers tell us that Timothy had frequent ailments and a stomach disorder of some sort.  Obviously,  it troubled him enough for Paul to discuss it with the suggested treatment of a little wine.  We also know that Timothy was a frequent traveling companion with Paul and must have had these ailments while they were together.  Yet, again Timothy was not healed of this ailment by Paul.

Paul (2 Corinthians 12:1-10)

Paul’s thorn is widely believed to be eye disease because of his comments in the scriptures about his writing in his own hand with large print.

Paul pleaded to God to have this ailment healed.  When God did not heal him he concluded that the thorn was God’s of keeping him from becoming conceited.  “But the Lord said to him that His grace was sufficient for you and My power is made perfect in (Paul’s) weakness”. (ver. 7-9)

God did not want Paul to go the way of so many people in the scriptures.  Many when they became powerful they forgot God.  Many kings in Israel and Judah come to mind including King Solomon.

Jesus healing at the Pool of Bethesda (John 5:1-14)

We read here there was a multitude on invalids waiting at the pool of Bethesda and Jesus chose only one to heal.  There is no indicator that Jesus was unable or unwilling to heal everyone at the pool that day yet he chose only one.

The unnamed man was lying among a multitude of who were sick, blind, lame and withered waiting for the waters of the pool to move.  Some believe that the “New Year angel” was the one who came to stir the waters.  The tradition is that the first to reach the waters after they were stirred would be healed.

Jesus knowing this man had been in this condition for many years asked whether he “wanted to be well?  The man tells that he has no one to lower him into the water and another always enters before he can get into the waters himself.  Jesus’ simple healing command was to “Get up, pick up your pallet and walk”.

Summary or SO WHAT?

We have seen five situations of people going unhealed, six including my comments about Gary Carter.  Three related to Paul not being able to heal, one related to Paul not being healed and lastly Jesus healing only one when many were sick in need of healing.

What can we conclude?

I don’t like these answers any more than many of you will.  (But, I chose to live in obedience to them)

1 Jesus suffered until death and so will we;

^{John 16:33} “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (emphasis added)

2 Suffering contributes to our sanctification:

^{2 Cor 12:10} That is why, for Christ’s sake (not mine), I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  (Italics added)

3 Not all are healed:

People die, suffer, or languish in their illness without relief.  It appears from the passages above concerning the unhealed there are not clear reasons why one person is healed and another to go unhealed.  I am afraid that continues today.

I have called this the mystery of God’s sovereignty or the mystery of God’s definition of goodness.  Often we don’t realize our definition of goodness embraces healing and health for all.   Some churches even preach this view.   Yet, if you look at this “theology” closely you will see it reflects our desire for our sovereignty and our desire to tell God how life should go dangerously creeping in.  This is treacherous grounds based not on faith but rather on sight.

4 A commenter on my blog, Jim Sitton, offered an audio file where he and his wife share their struggle of their 6-year-old daughter dying after she was shot by a family member.  Regular readers might remember the blog.  Evil and Suffering: The Story of Makayla Sitton and Raymonde Joseph  You can hear he and his wife’s voices with pictures of Makayla at http://vimeo.com/17536925

5.   Suffering/healing brings about God’s glory

When Jesus healed at the pool of Bethesda, he did heal a person but what was His purpose in the healing?  His purpose was far more than the healing itself.  By His healing He made a claim there that He was the Son of God, that He was Lord over the Sabbath and able to heal sin.

As Jim Sitton said in his audio file.  The only perfect part of life are found in the first few and last few pages of the bible.  The Garden of Eden and Heaven.  Everything else is outside those perfect places.

Though suffering and dying are part of every Christian’s life or will be.  Remember John 16:33

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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A dear friend lost his wife at a young age to breast cancer. She died about a year ago after years of suffering cancer’s destruction of her body. She left a loving husband, two young children and a large and involved extended family. These good people were active and in leadership in a local church, school and community. From the outside you might say they had a great life and future until cancer entered their lives.

With tears in his eyes he told his story of loss. His wife was a loving stay at home mom full of life and deeply involved with him and the children. The diagnosis of breast cancer came so unexpectedly, so unwelcomed and so shockingly.

They sought the best medical treatment available locally as well as from leaders in the field of breast cancer treatment. They participated in all the available treatment options. Yet after some initially hopeful signs the cancer returned and stayed. She succumbed to the painful death cancer can bring on a person and family physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Both came from large Midwestern families deeply devoted to the Lord and their church. Because of their extended families their story reached many churches across the country bring about an ever-increasing prayer circle. All were praying for her healing. But, healing did not happen. Death happened. It happened when the children need their mother most, a time when couples are beginning to more fully enjoy the lives they have made for themselves. The prayers did not yield the desired results.  In the end she became so weak she was placed into hospice care where she died.

My friend asked one of the most challenging questions since I began writing and thinking about suffering. “Why are some unhealed?  Why was my wife left unhealed?”

My initial reply was the answer I have given to many people I encounter who asks the why question when it comes to God’s actions or appearing inaction.

“Why is this significant? Before the fall there is no record of Adam and Eve questioning anything. There was never a why question uttered by them to each other or in their relationship with God. Following the fall they understood evil as well as good and the questioning and challenging of God began. His works and words were no longer seen as good, they were now suspect in the eyes of sinful man. This immediately became man’s standard. We see the questioning of God throughout biblical history. We see it today in everyday life. I see it in my life and if you are honest you see it in your life as well.” From awellbrewedheart.com under the title of Christian Suffering: The Prescient Eye of God and Asking Why during Suffering

But, that answer in the presence of my friend suffering the loss of his wife did not satisfy me.  I thought of myself, my family members, other friends and acquaintances suffering from a vast variety of afflictions and knew the answer needed to be more complete.  I needed to look further into the issue.

Others are asking the same question

I know that many of us have someone in our lives who has struggled with the damnable disease of cancer. I have read and wept over the vivid descriptions of suffering written in the comments to this blog.  Personally, my thoughts go immediately to my daughter (Krista) who has had stage 3 colon/rectal cancer, my sister who has battled with several forms of cancer and my lifelong friend, Margot (a reader and frequent commenter on the blog) and her breast cancer. Some of us have seen our loved ones win the battle against cancer. Many of us have seen death while others have experienced lingering anxiety over their longevity and recurrence.

Now, I face the possibility of cancer. Recently, I blogged about my diagnosis of acromegaly (What is Acromegaly? I am Acromegalic?). The frustration continues as my doctor tries to determine the source of my elevated IGF-1 (growth hormone) levels. I have had 2 negative pituitary gland scans (the location where these tumors usually are found) and now my doctor suspects it is an ectopic tumor (somewhere else in my body). These are very rare and are found using a MIBG scan that is done over a period of 4 days. The tumor they are looking for are called neuroendocrine tumors or carcinoids (10% end up cancerous). But today, I found out that my health insurance will not pay for the scan.  This road block continues to frustrate me and my doctor in making the proper diagnosis and treatment plan.

Many who read my blog are suffering from many ailments and afflictions. Each have wanted, pleaded and prayed to God for healing. Some suffer from chronic back pain, infertility, others from constant unrelenting pain or from the pain of broken or lost relationships. Some are facing financial battles, not enough income, the threat or reality of foreclosure, unemployment or disability. Each of us as believers has prayed for a remedy but many continue unhealed. 

What do the scriptures say about the unhealed?

First, the scriptures tell of healing done by Jesus and His apostles. Yet, there are a few people who were not healed by Jesus and his apostles. Jesus could have healed Paul but did not (2 Cor 12:7). Paul had the gift of healing but Timothy was not healed of his stomach disorder. (1 Tim. 5:23). He could heal Epaphroditus who came near to death but did not. (Philippians 2:25–27) He also left Trophimus unhealed from his sickness. (2 Timothy 4:20) The disciples could not heal the demonic boy. (Matt 17:14-21)  Finally, Jesus healed the lame man at pool of Bethesda but He left unhealed a multitude of invalids waiting with the healed lame man. Jesus had the capacity to heal them all yet He chose only to heal one. (John 5:1-14)

What do these passages tell us about the unhealed among us?….

Because of the self-imposed word limit on this blog you will have to wait for the next blog for the conclusion of this topic.

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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For almost two years I have not been feeling quite up to par. Par being not feeling how I thought I should feel with my new heart.

Of course the first thing we thought was my heart was being rejected by my body. Yet, I did not have the expected list of symptoms associated with rejection. After a couple of trips to Miami to be checked out by my transplant cardiologist, Dr. J, all he could say it that it is not my heart causing the tiredness. He knew I had trouble following the heart transplant with a very low testosterone level he suggested a more aggressive treatment.

The more aggressive testosterone of hormone replacement treatment did not improve my condition so Dr. J suggested I see an endocrinologist and get a full battery of test in an attempt to figure out what was causing my malaise.  For any of you who have had to visit an endocrinologist you know what is going to happen next. You go to the phlebotomist’s office; you roll up your sleeve and wonder whether you have enough blood for all the tubes lined up on the table. I knew I had enough blood since I had already experienced the “crazy” phlebotomist’s at Jackson Memorial during my pre-transplant evaluation by giving them 24 tubes of blood. 

The results are in

The results came in and revealed as suspected my testosterone was below a 100 when normal average levels are around 250-850. Dr. K suggested start testosterone injections instead of the cream or patches. Now, Sharon reluctantly injects me with what she describes as a “very long needle” every other week. 

Dr. K started asking me some strange questions following the discussion about the injections.  Have my hands or feet sizes grown recently?  Is your wedding ring or hat tighter now than before?  Have your teeth shown any signs of more space between them?  Do you have more headaches that usual or has your sweat changed in anyway?  After answering yes to a couple of the questions she told me she suspected I had acromegaly because of my answers and the surprising lab result of an unusually high level (2 ½ times normal) of growth hormone IGF-1 in my blood. 

Acromegaly is disorder caused by a benign adenoma (tumor) on the pituitary gland that produces or rather over produces growth hormone IGF-1.  It is a chronic condition that gets worse over time and the only definitive treatment is removal of the adenoma from the pituitary gland.  This same condition if found in children is called giantism but after a child’s bone’s growth plates stop growing the diagnosis becomes acromegaly.

Dr. K’s greatest concerns were not the changes in my physical looks although it is a serious concern.  Her biggest concern is that acromegaly has serious side effects such as the development of diabetes and causes serious cardiac problems.  Knowing my history of the heart transplant made her gravely concerned as were Sharon and I.  She ordered a MRI to discover whether there was a tumor in addition to the high level of IGF-1.  The results showed I had a 3mm tumor.   

To give you an idea of some of the physical changes that can occur because of acromegaly I added a couple of pictures.  These represent men who have gone untreated for years.  You can see the enlargement of the forehead, jaw and elongation of the face.  Fortunately, I was diagnosed at an early stage and I do not show any obvious signs as do these men. 

There and back again

Now, armed with the MRI showing an adenoma, a second opinion, and multiple labs showing high IGF-1 level we began a search for a pituitary surgeon who had extensive surgical experience and worked  in a hospital with knowledge of organ transplants.  Unfortunately, none were to be found at my transplant center, Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami but, we found the next closest hospital to fulfill my requirements was Shands Hospital in Gainesville. 

We made a consult appointment with Dr. R fully expecting to have surgery the next day.  I just wanted this thing out of my head I told him.  During the intake by the Dr.’s nurse practitioner Dr. R. stuck his head in the room introduced himself and took the CD of the MRI to look at it. 

When he returned he shocked us by saying he saw no adenoma on the pituitary gland.  “I can’t do surgery on something I can’t see” he said.  “If it was Cushing’s disease (caused by a different type of tumor on the pituitary gland) I would go in and start taking out pieces of the pituitary gland because the life expectancy of a person with Cushing’s disease is about 3 years without surgery.  I did not have Cushing’s disease but rather Acromegaly so he wanted to see what he was cutting out.  As did we!

He decided I would have another MRI while in Gainesville and scheduled surgery the next morning if this MRI revealed more than the one I brought with me.   I had the MRI and went home with a surgery time for the next morning as well as a special type of soap to wash with before coming to the hospital.  As usual with surgery, I was NPO after midnight.  (No food or drink after midnight).  Dr. R told me that he would get his radiologist to read the MRI in the morning before surgery to confirm a target for surgery. 

The next morning we woke I washed as directed while Sharon had breakfast.  We were about to leave for the hospital and just as Sharon was putting on her shoes the phone rang and Dr. R telling me the MRI was normal.  His radiologist called it “stone cold normal”. No surgery.  Come back in six months for a follow-up consultation.  His last words were follow-up with your endocrinologist. 

Had I been healed?

We were stunned.  What a mixture of emotions!  We were pleased, relieved, frustrated, angry and confused all at the same time.  Had I been healed?  We had prayed for that! What were all these medical appointments for and what about the long and expensive trip to Gainesville?  I was prepared for having surgery and was disappointed it was not going to happen.  Thinking back I wonder whether there was something wrong with my brain.  I wanted to have a surgeon do a form of brain surgery on me?  What was I crazy?     

Being healed was our prayer and became our conviction as we packed up to leave about an hour after the phone call.  Remembering I had not eaten since the dinner I wanted to eat breakfast before launching into packing and heading home. 

But, had there been a healing?  Knowing there are two diagnostic criteria for acromegaly we would have to wait for the next lab results to see my IGF-1 levels.  I didn’t have an adenoma on my pituitary as determined by Dr. R all that was left was my IGF-1 results within the normal range.  Many years ago Sharon gave me a hand-made a jewelry box with Ps 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God”… We were again in a place of depending upon the sovereignty and character of God as my next labs were 3 months away.   During those three months we functioned as if a healing had occurred.

I was not healed!

My next labs came back again with my IGF-1 levels once again over twice normal and my endocrinologist was not surprised.  I told her I thought and prayed I had been healed but as you would expect most modern doctors do not hold heals by God as part of their view of medicine.  My text to Sharon after the appointment was “not healed”. 

Hebrews 4:14        Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This passage has been an encouragement to Sharon and me as we have gone through the many challenges that have been our family’s story.  We deeply believe our story is written by God who can sympathize with our weakness and allows us to draw near in time of our need.  We have received mercy and grace as I have suffered from these many medical trials.  For which we are grateful. 

 Just recently…

I had a follow-up MRI and  again no adenoma was found in the pituitary gland.  We are pleased with these results yet confused as to what all this means.  Is there a healing?  What next?  Appointment with Dr. K my endocrinologist next week… 

1 Cor 14:33a “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace….”

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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I recently obtained the domain name.  Please note that “A Well Brewed Heart” can now be found at http://awellbrewedheart.com .  I am planning to blog more often and hope this new domain will draw more attention from the global internet.  The previous web presence of http://awellbrewedheart.wordpress.com will continue and I will construct the blogs using WordPress.com

I would appreciate, if you have bookmarked the blogs address, to change the bookmark to show the new address of http://awellbrewedheart.com

Blessing

David

I am now three years and two months out from the transplant and am doing well.  God saw to it that my donor was such a perfect match that I have not been sick a day since I was transplanted.   At three years and one month post transplant this particular entry in my bucket list could be checked off!

Friday, July 1^st, Sharon and I became grandparents for the first time!  John and Krista, our oldest, had a baby boy born weighing 5lbs. 13oz. and 17″ long.  They named him John Lloyd Shaw III after his daddy and granddaddy, now deceased.

This is a picture of John and Krista just minutes after little John came into the world. John was delivered through C-section but as you can tell; my daughter was not the one who just had surgery even though she and her husband were there to welcome their son into the world.  Krista’s cousin, Gretchen, carried John and Krista’s little boy as a surrogate.

Thus starts a complicated story

Some of my readers remember that two and ½ years ago Krista discovered she was suffering with stage 3 colorectal cancer.  She endured aggressive surgery, a year of chemotherapy and 31 rounds of radiation to her abdominal area.   We did not know whether she would survive the cancer.  Fortunately, 1 1/2 years following these treatments she is clear of all cancer and her prognosis is excellent!  For this we greatly rejoice and are grateful for the doctors who treated her and for God’s blessings.

However, there was other devastating news that our daughter and her husband had to face at the same time that Krista was preparing for surgery, chemo and radiation. The radiation would destroy Krista’s chance of having children. This was overwhelming and deeply heartbreaking for John and Krista who had been trying to start a family when the cancer was discovered. The one chance they had of having their own children was to harvest eggs prior to radiation and use a surrogate down the road. It was a very difficult decision for them to make for many reasons but they decided if this was their best chance to have their own children they would go for it.

Prior to that time Krista’s cousin Gretchen felt moved by God that she would be a surrogate for her sister, Jenny who was having infertility difficulties of her own.  The need for that ended when Jenny became pregnant and gave birth to very premature twins; two “one pounders”.  Fortunately, they are doing very well and will soon have their 3^rd birthday!  Gretchen then wondered, if not Jenny then who, Lord? When Gretchen heard of Krista’s need she knew God had prepared her to be Krista’s surrogate.

The couples agreed to the surrogate arrangements and began the long and often difficult journey. Friday, July 1^st, John was born via C-section. What a glorious time of celebration and thanksgiving.  Everyone was shedding
tears of joy – even the nurses!  My daughter and son-in-law could not stop smiling the entire day and could not take their eyes off their healthy, beautiful little boy.  Gretchen came through surgery well and was so grateful she could do this amazing thing for her cousin!

A difficult season for all

As you might imagine, even though this has been an amazing story, it has also been a story deep in personal pain for Krista and John.  Plus it has been very difficult for Gretchen and Paul also.  Everyone suffered during the miracle of the conception, carrying and delivery of John.   None of us would have imagined the challenges that would show themselves during the pregnancy for both families.

To respect the privacy of those involved I will be fairly vague but clear enough to give you a sense of what has happened during the time of the pregnancy.

There was:

• a job loss
• health problems
• a threat of cancer
• a deep loss of not being able to carry her own baby and bond with him during pregnancy
• financial challenges
• Distance  of miles between Gretchen and Krista
• relationship challenges

This has been another chapter to the story that God continues to write in the life of our family.  As my readers of this blog know we have seen the suffering at its deepest level.  My years of sickness followed by a successful heart transplant, Krista’s colon cancer/treatment followed by clean PET scans, and the losses we have had with Sharon’s mom and sister’s death. This story written by God does not appear to be a ‘good’ story in our eyes at the time it is written.  But, through it we continue to see the genuine sovereignty of God, the magnificence of Christ, His mercy, His grace and His goodness given to undeserving sinners like us.

We celebrate the birth of John Lloyd Shaw III.  I like his nick name “Sheriff” given by John his dad.  I can’t bring myself to call him that now but I’m sure someday it will fit him.

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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After spending about a week in the hospital and enduring many tests, exams, and hours of waiting we know the same as we did before all the above.  NOTHING

I wish I could report that there was some conclusion or answer to the pain Krista experienced last week but there were none.  She may need to take another test on an outpatient basis but that is to be determined. 

We believe that the radiation and chemotherapy she had last year did untold damage to her body while it was ridding her of cancer. 

Thank you for your prayers.  They are needed and appreciated. 

Adverto Coram Deo

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Krista’s health situation a summary of the last year and a half is in order. Early last year (2009) Krista doctors diagnosed her with stage 3/4 colorectal cancer. This is a very unusual problem for someone 30 years old. After this diagnosis she received excellent treatment from a wonderful local oncologist and a world-renowned colorectal surgeon at Cleveland Clinic in Weston. She had surgery, radiation, and chemo therapy over the next year.

Thankfully, six months after the end of her treatment in January 2010 she had a clear PET scan and has been cancer free.

This week

After being symptom free for the entire year other than minor issues Krista has been in the hospital this week. She has been in the hospital this week for problems with severe pain around the area of her abdomen and her head. No, there does not appear a recurrence of cancer.

Today

This morning I was calling her to wish her a happy birthday and I discovered she was in the emergency room waiting for the doctors to do a scan on her abdomen. Yes, it is her birthday today. So I went to see her and bring her some flowers and balloons to cheer her up. The doctors found from her scan an iritation in the area of her intestines that might be related to a previous surgery.

Because of her complicated history her oncologist released her from the local hospital to go directly to Cleveland Clinic hospital in Weston to see a surgeon who is expecting her…

Please pray for Krista, John, our family and Sharon and I. We are in the midst of several medical assaults (Krista, Sharon and me included).

Ps 40:12 came to mind today “For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.” NIV. We are praying and ask for yours also that though numerous troubles (medical) surround us we continue to see the Good and Sovereign God at work. Troubles many times blind us from seeing the work of God and only see the troubles we are experiencing.

More later as I have info to share.

Adverto Coram Deo

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How does one live in that most dreaded place of having no option other than trusting God?  How do we practically respond to this statement by Lewis (from previous blog entry)?  How can we live doing the “Hardest Thing”?

I recently read a blog by John Bryson from Acts 29, Memphis Fellowship titled “Learning to be Miserable”.  He made the following comments:

• “In Stephen Pressfield’s classic “War of Art”, {please do not confuse this with “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu as I did momentarily} he mentions that the high performers, the creatives, those who produce, those who are effective, etc. eventually have to learn to “be miserable””…
• “Navy Seals teach this…one of my friends at dinner mentioned how two-a-day football practices taught him this…another friend added how Medical school Residency taught him this…I threw in how that was my greatest lesson in training for and running a marathon…you can be miserable, and still move forward, produce and thrive.  God teaches this…see Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Paul…take your pick”
• “The few truly understand, theologically, that we live in a fallen world, this is not heaven (thank God), life is hard, there is much pain, disappointment and misery…but in the midst of that, by God’s grace, we can learn to cultivate and create in the midst of circumstances that will rarely, if ever, be ideal” 

Pressfield and Bryson tell us to “Learn to be miserable”.  Lewis said it is “a most dreadful place to having to depend solely on God”.

My Second Blog Entry

On the first of September of last year I wrote my second blog titled “Suffering is not taught today to Christians”.   In that blog I quoted Randy Alcorn, author of a bestselling book on suffering and evil “If God is Good” and Founder and Director of Eternal Perspective Ministries.  He once wrote; “Our failure to teach a biblical theology of suffering leaves Christians unprepared for harsh realities…”

Bryson repeats Alcorn’s clarion call “few truly understand, theologically, that we live in a fallen world, this is not heaven (thank God), life is hard, there is much pain, disappointment and misery…” Bryson continues with “A friend once told me to pinch Genesis Chapters 1 and 2 in one hand and Revelations Chapters 19 and 20 in the other.  Those 4 chapters are perfection.  The other 1,185 chapters in the Bible teach us to contend in the midst of a fallen world”.

When speaking with the average christian I find unanimous consent in their opinion of this world not being heaven or the Garden of Eden and living in this fallen world means hurt, pain, suffering and disappointment.  Yet, when many of these same people encounter the many consequences this fallen world often brings their previously stated conviction fails them.  We all do it.  I often am the first to do it.  We complain about our pain, hurts and disappointments in whatever form they come to us.  Be they financial, physical, relational or personal we complain.

But why do we complain?

Our complaints come in the context of comparisons or expectations.  If one complains about finances it usually in the context of having to little.  Very rarely will you find someone complaining about their abundance.  If the complaint is about health it is in the context of the loss of health not the abundance of it.  If our complaint is in relationships we would not often hear a person complaining about them going well but rather the opposite.

Now the Rub

We are rarely miserable when things are going well but rather the opposite.  Misery and suffering is always in the context of life not going as expected.  That’s the rub isn’t it?  Life at times doesn’t go well… But, when life does not go well to what standard is it failing?  According to who’s standard?  The world’s standard makes us believe that if we do our best and pursue excellence our life will improve and we will be blessed.  These standards or theologies are often found in many of our modern churches and often well meaning Christians have adopted this theology.

My Rub

After my heart transplant I expected to be able to return to work full time in my counseling practice.  But, two years later I find that I am quite healthy but don’t have the energy needed to return to full time work.  I have spurts of energy but not enough to work more than a few hours a week.  My transplant surgeon believes this is because of the length of my heart failure (12 years) and the multi-organ failure I had several years before the transplant.  Though before the transplant we believed God’s story was working out in our lives, after the transplant I set my standards again that full time work would be expected.  Needless to say this is has been a major struggle for me as I came to this realization.

When it came to me returning to work Sharon and I thought that after pursuing the radical treatment of heart transplant I would be able to return to full function.  These were our standards or theology showing itself.  If you saw me or spoke with me you would think I was a healthy 58 year old fully functioning person.  Honestly, I see myself that way also.  Thus my misery!  I don’t want to believe what I see in the mirror is not a totally recovered person capable of what I once could do.

Many are shocked or overwhelmed

Yet the life outside of the Garden of Eden and Heaven rarely resembles what our world and often what modern theology teaches.  Many of my readers are currently or will in the future experience something in life that appears to have no solution other than suffering and misery.  As I speak with those in this place I often find shocked, overwhelmed, angry and rebellious believers.

Honestly, I am often surprised when I encounter fellow Christians with these struggles.  Oops, I am not exempt here am I?!!

So how do we, I live in this most dreadful place and do the hardest thing?

• As I have said in previous blog entries understand that it is God’s good story that is in play at all times and not our story.  Additionally, His good story is good as defined by Him and not by us.  Many times how we define good and how God defines good are often quite different.
• Meditate on the words of Bryson: “few truly understand, theologically, that we live in a fallen world, this is not heaven (thank God), life is hard, there is much pain, disappointment and misery…but in the midst of that, by God’s grace, we can learn to cultivate and create in the midst of circumstances that will rarely, if ever, be ideal“
• Remember from John Bryson’s blog: …”you can be miserable, and still move forward, produce and thrive.  God teaches this…see Abraham, Moses, Joseph, David, Paul…take your pick”
• Read the Bible and study the lives of those above and others to see how their lives demonstrated how they lived in misery yet continued to move on faithfully. A good place to start would be the characters mentioned in Hebrews 11.
• Read books like Foxes Book of Martyrs, Bonhoffer’s: Cost of Discipleship, John Piper’s Biographies Collection of 15 of the churches greatest leaders (biographies collection is available at www.olivetree.com)
• Read Alcorn’s books Heaven and If God is Good to understand about what life will be like in heaven and the influence of evil on the world.
• Read Calvin addressing suffering at the blog http://oldlife.org/tag/suffering/
• As you see from the suggestions above, living and doing the hardest thing requires returning to a Biblical view of life found in the scriptures, Godly men of old, and their view of life and suffering.

Adverto Coram Deo

David

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